May I Ask You a Few Questions?

I conducted a boatload of interviews when I wrote for a newspaper some years back. Most consisted of me asking the expected questions and the interviewee providing the expected answers. Every now and then though, someone would surprise me. That was always a treat. I think my favorite was an interview I did with a man who had been recruited into a gang when he was a young teen and then moved up the ranks and became a leader—and a recruiter of young teens.

I expected to dislike the man and was uneasy about meeting with him. I’d been told he’d left the gang and had turned his life around, but still. I felt like I’d drawn the short straw. The man was wheelchair bound, his loss of mobility the result of a gang shooting. Not his first. He’d almost lost his life after being shot a few years before the one that cost him the use of his legs. Neither of those incidents were the reason he decided to leave the gang. He’d watched friends die for a decade, some of whom he’d lured into being gang members when they were in middle school, yet he remained. Then one day—just a random day when no one got shot and no one died—he had an awakening. He was done. He could not, would not be responsible for leading one more child onto a path that was definitely going to be painful and might very well be deadly.

Leaving wasn’t easy, as I’m sure you can imagine. But he did just that. He expressed deep regret for all he’d done, and I believed he was sincere. His description of how gangs recruit new young members was both fascinating and infuriating. They’re calculating and methodical, and it works. They make these kids feel loved, respected, and powerful. They don’t use violence; they use tenderness and loyalty. They’re a sick bunch of effers and they prey on babies.

By the end of that interview, which turned into more of a chat than a nuts and bolts Q&A, I’d received an education and experienced an awakening of my own. I saw the humanity in this former gang member, felt his despair, and mourned both the little boy he was before joining and the life he might have lived, had he not.

But that was a rare, rare interview. Most were a craptastic waste of time. So when this week’s GBE topic (“If you could interview anyone, who would it be and why?”) was announced, I drew a blank. No one, I thought. Not a single soul. After a few minutes though, I thought hmmm, interview, no, but there are some people I’d enjoy chatting with. So that’s how I’m going to approach this. Folks I’d love to sit with, share a meal maybe, and gab a while.

Keanu Reeves: The man transcends. I’d love to pick his brain and bask in his aura. Too weird? Yeah, but I wouldn’t share exactly what I just said with him. I wouldn’t want to scare him away.

Anderson Cooper: He’s tender and odd. Smart. Wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s me. Well, me in better clothes.

Katie Porter: My favorite politician. Love her. Love her whiteboard.

Monica Lewinsky: She’s had to rise above a whole lot, and she’s done so with grace. Was she wrong, way back then? Of course. But was she wronged? Sweet mother of Jeebus, yes. She was very young, he was enormously powerful, and her friend was no friend. She’s grown into a bright, funny, smart woman. No easy feat.

Stephen King: Love his work, worldview, intelligence, and humor.

Helen Mirren: Serious talent, for sure, but that’s not really the draw. It’s her kindness, decency, humor, and fabulous basassery. Love her.

Jim Carrey: I don’t love most of his movies, but he’s an interesting guy and we share some basics in our belief systems.

Melissa McCarthy and Jennifer Garner: Smart, funny, real, and would be such a pleasure to hang out with.

Dolly Parton: She’s Dolly. ‘Nuff said.

Anne Lamott: She’s brilliant. I’d be happy to sit beside her, lean my head against hers, and hope for osmosis.

Taylor Swift: Seriously, so much yes. The woman is dazzling. Maybe I could run some lyrics past her and she what she thinks.

Fred Rogers: Yes, I know he’s dead. But the odds of me hanging out with him are only slightly lower than they are with any of the above. Mostly I’d want to thank him. I’d probably cry. He’d understand.

There are more, but that’s a good start. Also, I’d be willing to live in a van down by the river in exchange for a week with my mom and my sisters.

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(GBE Topic #15: If you could interview anyone, who would it be and why?)

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